Skip to main content

Posts

The First Day

Hi Honey Bees! I hope all is well with you. Sharing my thoughts with you is always a pleasure and so therapeutic for me. I just love you so much boo!! 👄

Morning came so quick for me. It's 6:15 AM and my annoying alarm is ringing throughout the room. Whew Jesus I'm sleepy. I roll over and say my prayers before getting out of bed. I stumble into my sons room and attack him with hugs and kisses. It's his first day of third grade so we're both pretty excited. He spent the entire summer with his grandparents and I have to say, I'm so grateful to have my booski back home. We ate breakfast and discussed where his new classroom was. As excited as I am for him, I find myself getting a little emotional. He's definitely growing up.

Being a single mother isn't easy by any means. I remember his first day of kindergarten and how I cried all day after leaving his classroom. I remember his end of year program in first grade and how I cried so much during the ceremony peop…
Recent posts

Catch Up

Honey Bees!

It’s been such a long time. My blog will forever be my second baby and I love my faithful readers beyond life. I feel like there’s so much to catch you up on. Let’s start with work.
Work is going very well. I feel more comfortable as the days go by. When I first transitioned into this role, I wasn’t sure if I made the right decision, but as time passes, I’m grateful I did. I enjoy what I do, so it doesn’t feel like work at all. NEXTTTTTTT…….

School. I’m sure I mentioned in a previous post that I decided to go back to school. School is AMAZING. I’ve always been a pretty good student, so a lot of things just come natural to me. The biggest challenge will be keeping up with classes once my soon gets back in school and football season starts. I’m sure I’ll be spending a good amount of time on the field with him, so I’ll have to get creative with carving out study time. NEXTTTTTTT…….

Love life. What love life honey? It’s nonexistent. That thing is extinct like dinosaurs. I reall…

Her Heart

Last night as I sat in bed staring at the ceiling, my mind began to wander. F**k, this is the second night I haven’t been able to sleep because my heart literally hurts, and my mind is racing a thousand miles a minute.At this point, I’d been laying there for about 45 minutes trying to hold back tears and think of something else other than what was bothering me, but as usual it wasn’t working. I rolled over searching for my phone within the sheets and blanket. It’s 3:08AM and I’m wide awake thinking about how and why I allowed this man to piss me off again. He’s probably sound asleep not giving a crap and calling hogs home this time of morning.

In that moment,I began to think about how I feel everything so deeply. Everything from emotions, intentions, vibes judgments and even lies. I’m far from perfect, but when people hurt me, it cuts  deep because I know my intentions are never to do people wrong. I’ve said a few times before that I could never do anyone the way some have done me. My…

A Fresh Start

This week has definitely been one for the books. One of the toughest weeks I’ve had in a very long time. While packing up my townhome to move into another, I decided to sit for a minute and unleash some tension by writing to you. I’ve been a slave to stress, worry, uncertainty and chaos all week long. Sleepless nights and carrying my tension in my back and shoulders have even physically made this week almost unbearable.

When I first moved into this cozy little space almost 3 years ago, my son and I slept on an air mattress for about 3 months. My tiny TV sat on the one laundry basket I owned. We had each other, lights, food and water. That was all I could ask for. After many long workdays, prayers, and blessings from those around me, fast forward three years and I’m getting delirious packing box after box. Moving can be stressful no matter what stage of life you’re in. As I try to pack everything as neatly as possible, I get full of emotion and tears stream down my face because at the…

Step Up

It’s Father’s Day, and on this day, I’m extremely grateful for my stepfather who’s been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. My parents divorced with I was about nine, and I remember every moment of it like it was yesterday. My mother was a single mom for years after the divorce. In my eyes, it felt as if my biological father forgot my older sister and I existed. As if we didn’t have the same blood running through our veins. Tragic right? To this day, much hasn’t changed. I honestly haven’t spoken to him in about 3 years. He doesn’t have a relationship with my son nor does he acknowledge us. My older sister speaks to him from time to time but at this point, I’m completely over that. I feel that deep down he desires a relationship with my sister and I but doesn’t know how to get there. I’ve tried reaching out multiple times and somehow we always end up where we started. I’m grateful for who’s been there though, and that’s my step father Scott. He’s who my son calls gr…

Free Myself

Think…think…think…. I’m always thinking. My mind is always pondering my next move. How will I pay for this? That bill is gonna be late. What date was that function? When should I have her resume ready? What day is Bentley’s game again? All these thoughts are bouncing around in my head simultaneously. At times I just want to hold my head and scream QUIEETTTT like they do in the movies.

For those that don’t know, my 9-5 job is a career advisor at a local vocational school, I write resumes on the side for passive income, my son is active in every sport there is, I start a bachelors program within a month, I’m running in a pageant and I’m always on the go. I’m a strong believer that rest is for rich people. I’m willing to work overtime to get where I want to be in life but, sometimes it takes it’s toll on me.

With so much going on, a lot has happened to me physically and emotionally. I’ve gained an unmentionable amount of weight, my anxiety has kicked in so I’m shorter tempered than usual…

You're So Strong

Hey guys! It’s been a minute since I sat down to put my thoughts on paper. I feel like there’s so many moving parts to life right now, and I’m doing my best to keep up. My mind is on overload. On a positive note, I’m feeling much better this week than I did last week. Last week I was a complete mess. I was so stressed out. I’m sure I sat in traffic and cried a few times.


I’ve been told “You’re one of the strongest people I know” for a very long time, by so many people. I agree with them on most occasions. I feel when people label me this way, it prevents me from being able to show them anything other than my strong self in the future. Since so many people view me in that light, it creates a large group of people in my mind that I can’t show raw emotion in front of. I feel I can’t go to these people with my problems because they’re going to view me as weak. This in return  creates situations where I’m crying at stop lights because I’m stressed and don’t want to appear weak in front of a…

I'm Not Ready

We’ve all had our heart broken at some point or another. It’s life and sometimes people just suck. I’ve had my fair share of heart break and it’s just something I don’t want to endure again. Like who has time and energy to invest in people repeatedly? Not me! It’s just a gamble I’m not willing to take. After speaking with a friend last week, I concluded I actually don’t want a relationship, I want the help.

When I think of being in a relationship my stomach hurts. I like having my own space, I get annoyed with people easily, Bentley and I have our own routine and to add a third person to that would be chaotic. I’ve been in a few relationships and guess what…I’m single now. I actually get upset with myself when I look back on the people I’ve allowed in my life and the time I’ve wasted. It’s frustrating. My last relationship ended for financial reasons right before I found out he was expecting twins with someone else. That was a major blow for me. All I ever asked was for honesty, time…

Let the Good Times Roll

Hey Boo. This last week has been a complete blur. My birthday was amazing! I enjoyed watching my son play his first baseball game of the season, we had a quick dinner at his favorite Chinese restaurant, and I indulged in an amazing bottle of red wine my good friend Allie brought me to celebrate.
I recently decided to compete in the Miss Plus Size Charleston 2019 pageant, so I had my first meeting for that last week as well. To top everything off, I leave for Vegas in the morning to really kick off Level 28! It’s been a busy few weeks to say the least,but I’m so ready for some relaxation. Of course, I wait to the last minute to pack. Well, I packed but my bag was too heavy and now I have to pack again. I mean a girl need options, right? On the inside I’m a nervous wreck. I have so many moving pieces in my life right now, it’s a little hard to keep up with at times. I’ve been wanting to start my modeling career, I’ve enrolled back in school, keeping up with my blog and resume writing …

Suit Up

April 18th where are you? This queen was born April 10th and for the first time ever I told my girlfriends I wanted to take a trip to Vegas to celebrate. They love me a ton so they all agreed. I think my body is sensing it’s almost vacation time because lately I’ve found myself more irritable that ever. I feel horrible for saying this but even my precious son is aggravating the crap out of me! He calls my name to tell me he’s thirsty when he knows where the kitchen is. I believe he just says mama for the hell of it.
It all started last week when I rushed home to get my new bathing suit from the mail. It took forever but whatever I was super excited to try it on. I think I was more anxious to see if it actually fit more than anything. My weight has been all over the place lately and my waistline has definitely grown the last few months. Ugh…I can never maintain my weight which is so frustrating. Like who the hell can lose thirty pounds in two weeks before vacation? Oh well. It is what …

Trapped In The Closet

Hello honey bees. I hope all is well with you. It’s not even Wednesday yet and I’m ready for Friday. The last few weeks have been super busy, and I can’t think of one thing I did for myself. Anyway, that’s another topic for another day. I wanted to speak on something that many women don’t. You know you always get the tea with me sis so have a seat and grab some honey.

My morning started off very interesting. Just as I’m getting ready for work, I hear my Kim Possible (90s Kid) text notification blast from my cell. I keep my circle very small, so my first thought was “who’s texting me this early?” I grab my phone and realize it’s a good friend of mines. Upon opening her messages, my screen is flooded with multiple screen shots of a Facebook conversation she had with another individual. I instantly grab me some trail mix (who eats that for breakfast???) and sit on the couch. After reading the first line I knew this was going to be good!

Yall, when I tell you my mouth dropped, it dropped…

Peace

Today was an amazing day. It started with my son and I going to church. We all know I love Jesus but curse a little bit 😊. Before service ended, I found myself at the alter in tears. I began to get overwhelmed when I started thinking of the amount of forgiveness I have to do in my life. For something that doesn’t come easy to me, the more I thought about it, the more I cried. There I was at the alter praying for inner peace and patience. As the pastor prayed over me, I could feel the tears falling over my Fenty foundation onto my red and white top. In that moment it wasn’t about being glamorous. It was a matter of resuscitating my emotions and breaking through.
Forgiveness for me is so hard at times. When people do me wrong (in relationships) it really does something to me. It bothers my soul and keeps me up at night. I’m not perfect by any means. When people do me wrong, I go out of my way to push their buttons and ruin their life, so they get a small indication of the hurt they p…

Freedom

You know that feeling you get when you come home after a long day of work and loosen that bra strap? Honey, that’s freedom in it’s purest form. It’s the type of freedom that brings you instant gratification and chills up your spine. Freedom itself is something I cherish now more than ever before. Being able to do what I want, when I want, is priceless.
I recently sat and soaked up the fact that I literally have the freedom to do what I want. I’ve always been one who liked having space. It’s almost like I want things on my own terms. I parent my son the way I want to without consulting another party, I get to sleep in the middle of my bed if I want to, I spend my money how I want, I don’t have to combine my money with anyone else, what I work hard for is mines and mines alone. I cook when I feel like it, I eat out when I want. I recently went on a date because I could. Planned my birthday vacation in Vegas because I can. I can stay up late and watch what I want on tv without being fo…

Decoding His Profile

I have to say, I’ve had my fair share of online dating. Honestly, it never ends up being anything serious. It’s all very systematic when I think about it. A date here or there, some good morning text, and then it goes silent or I cut them off because they’re crazy or I catch them in a lie. Like it never fails. It’s always the same ol’ cycle. I don’t club, I work and I’m a mother so dating apps give me the feeling of going out to meet new people without actually having to do it right away. It’s all very similar to biting into a juicy peach in the middle of Walmart’s produce section to see if it’s any good before you actually buy it. The thought behind online dating it is all great. The people behind it is all wrong. I’ve met some interesting people in my online search and learned to decode profiles. Take a look: Height: Ladies this is not a trick question, but you’d think it was because the majority of men lie in this section. If his profile says he’s 5’11 he’s more than likely around…