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Party of 2



Wow, she’s absolutely gorgeous. Each strand of her naturally curly hair sits perfectly on her head. Her eyes are as dark as a summer night, and her skin smooth as butter. I can’t help but notice the most beautiful baby girl I’ve ever laid eyes on; as I’m sitting on the sidelines at my sons football practice. This baby girl was a mini queen in every sense of the word. I noticed how well dressed she was as her mother pushed her gracefully in her turquoise Graco stroller. Following behind the two were big bother and dad I assumed. The perfect little family.

                As they all walked by, my heart began to flutter and my eyes became dewy. I begin to think of the future and If I’ll get the chance to become a mother again. My son constantly ask for a bother or sister as if babies are something we can go shopping for at our local neighborhood market. His innocence is one of the things I enjoy most about him though. Let’s break this down a little. I’m in my late twenties with a seven year old, diagnosed with PCOS a year ago, no sign of a serious relationship in sight, barely making ends meet as a single parent; yet all I can think about is my future. I know things won’t be this way forever so I always daydream. To be honest, I’m not sure If having another child is something I truly want. That’s still in the air. People tell me often, you’re young; you’ve got plenty of time. I tell my son, if he wants a sibling he’ll have to ask God to send mommy a husband and the rest will fall into place. He started that prayer a year ago and he’s not stopping anytime soon.

                I battle if it’s a matter of becoming a mother again that I want or, if it’s the idea of having a two parent home for my child that’s most appealing. I honestly think I could choose the latter and be just as content. The one thing I’m sure of though is that even though my son and I are a party of 2, the love in this home meets everyone at the door. We support each other and we often daydream together about what things will be like a few years from now. He sees how hard I work to support him and knows even though things are a struggle sometimes, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I often tell him this is our time to become closer than we already are while it’s just the two of us. Even at his young age I have conversations with him about how important it is for him to do the right thing and wait until he’s married to have children once he’s older. Sometimes he looks at me with this “not, again” expression on his face when I go on my rants about the expectations of a man, but I know some day it’ll all make sense and he’ll thank me later. Our party of two is unique, close knit, and overflows with love and we embrace all the possibilities that lie ahead.

Comments

  1. My babies ask me about another brother or sister. I tell them to talk to their daddy about that. Geoff says, "I can't handle the 2 I have." (And that's true). But in my heart, I feel like I'm one short. I always wanted 4 (probably because I'm one of 4), but I feel like one more would be the icing this cake is missing. One more might change the perspective of this family forever. I just turned 35 - I thought I'd hang up my hat - I also thought I'd have another one by now. I don't know what God has planned. I know I will NOT ever trick my husband into getting pregnant. So, I don't know if I'll ever have another. I feel like I need to grieve not having any more - but I don't feel quite ready to grieve - as if there is still some hope in having another. I know that when I live in the expectation of the future, sometimes I get sad. Expectation-Reality=disappointment. I try to stay really intentional in the present in how I am raising my babies, in how I am a spouse to my husband, in how I am a co-worker at the office, etc. It's been a good exercise for me - I'm learning so much about my self in by 'being' instead of in my 'doing' (which has been my go to for the last 34 years).

    Thank you for your share above - I love love love it - and you! Nicely done Brea!

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