Trust The Process

                

                 Maleek Berry is playing in the background and I realize it’s 7:10AM. “Sh**, Sh*, Sh**!” I scream as I jump out from under my pink bed sheets. I have to get my son off to school and I’m working at the office that’s thirty minutes away today. My shift starts at 8AM I make it to the bathroom and jump in the shower, cold water and all. I could care less at this point. I’ve got to go. It’s Monday so  traffic  should be decent on I-26. I’ve just got to hustle to the interstate.

                I feel horrible because I’m having to rush my son to eat his breakfast in the car and I can tell he’s frustrated. We didn’t even say our morning prayer before he got out of the car. Crap Breezy, how did you over sleep? Having the last few days off really spoiled me I guess. Maybe it was those three glasses of wine I had last while having dinner with Lisa. It was great getting some adult girl time in with a new friend. I made dinner for her and her daughter and we ended up chatting the night away as our children played until their hearts were content. I make it to work with three minutes to spare. If dentistry or writing doesn’t work out for me I’m applying to NASCAR.

                Even though I got a hectic start to my morning, I never pictured my life would be the way it is now. I remember when I first found out I was pregnant with my son, I was in complete shock. Afraid that I would ruin his life and fearful I could never be half the mother my mother was to me, I trembled with guilt. After giving birth to him I remember not being able to afford diapers or childcare and having my sister take on the financial load for the both of us. I appreciated the money his father sent to support him, but It was barely enough to keep my head above water along with my minimum wage job. I think back to getting my first studio apartment and sleeping on an air mattress with my baby for months working at a call center trying to make a life for him when he was just a few months old. Sleepless nights, breathing treatments, random seizures and ER visits along with multiple test for months. I became very drained physically and emotionally.

            You must trust the process. Everything I went through was a set up for the blessings I have now. I’m not financially where I want to be but I’m in a much better place. My days aren’t spent in a cubical anymore. I’ve managed pediatric offices and I treat patients. Our little townhouse is comfortable in size and drips of love from the front door to the back. My little man is healthy and hasn’t had a seizure in years. He’s been cleared from this neurologist and has been playing sports since he was 3. I’m very grateful and I get teary eyed when I look how far I’ve come. It’s so easy to think about the things you don’t have, or what’s going wrong but when you stop and look at how far you’ve come that in itself is a life changer. Everything happens for a reason. The good, the bad and the ugly all play a part of your happy ending. Just trust the process.