Skip to main content

If This Is It...



As I begin to think about the future, there’s so much uncertainty. Of course I have tons of dreams and goals and through blood, sweat and tears I’ll do my very best to accomplish them. I was taught that exercising faith is a must in life. I’ve always had a problem living in the moment so I’d like to take a second and do just that.

Like the gospel song says “Lord if I ten thousand tongues, I could not praise you for what you’ve done.” Even though some days are a struggle and I have no clue how I’ll make it to the next, I’m grateful for the things I have. My son’s in good health and I’ve made a home for him that’s  filled with love. All of his jeans are a husky size so that reminds me that I’m able to provide him with meals daily. He’s the only child so he gets what he wants for the most part. I’m grateful I’m able to not only give him the things he needs but the things he wants as well. When I come home and flip the light switch; my little townhome lights up and I’m grateful for the jobs I have that allows me to pay the bills. My wallet may not be bulky but our clothes are clean, we have the necessities of life and each other. Who knows if I’ll find my soulmate, but If it’s in my cards to rock this thing out solo, I’m happy to say I know what it’s like to love and give someone every part of me and I have no regrets. If I never bare another child I’m ok with that as well. Bentley brings me so much joy and he’s the reason for my being. We understand each other and  our bond is indescribable.

My faith tells me to keep going and all my desires will eventually be my reality. However, my mind starts wondering and I can’t help but think... what if this is it?  What If I’m meant to do this thing called life alone, what if I was only meant to be a mother to one child, what if I have the  career  I’m supposed to  have and I’ll be doing this same thing ten years from now? If that’s the case and how the cookie crumbles, I’m ok with that and I’ll still be forever grateful. There’s people out there who wish they were in a position such as mines and long to have the experiences I’ve had in life thus far so if this is it...that’s ok!

Comments

  1. Your too awesome and i dont think God will let you bare life alone. There is soo many men out here who aren't fit to be a king. God is protecting you. If you knew what goes on behind those couples who smile and post the happy image you'd be surprised. Keep doing you boo!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why Are You Single?

As I'm sitting at work chatting with coworkers about life, I get asked the dreadful question. Breezy, why are you single? I wish I had some profound text book answer for them or hell, five dollars for every time I was asked by people in general. The answer is simple. I just wont settle! Being a single mother dating in 2018 is as complicated as trying to read Mike Tysons lips with your tv muted. Although I’ve struggled with self-image in the past, I’m in a much better place mentally and physically and know my worth. That alone is a powerful weapon. I often look at my friends and family members and think to myself….am I really the only one who doesn’t have a significant other? When will it be my season?
As quickly as those thoughts creep into my head I try to shake them away with positive affirmations. See, I grew up in the church and understand that there’s power of life and death in the tongue. My prayers for my future husband are very detailed and I know deep down, the man that h…

Party of 2

Wow, she’s absolutely gorgeous. Each strand of her naturally curly hair sits perfectly on her head. Her eyes are as dark as a summer night, and her skin smooth as butter. I can’t help but notice the most beautiful baby girl I’ve ever laid eyes on; as I’m sitting on the sidelines at my sons football practice. This baby girl was a mini queen in every sense of the word. I noticed how well dressed she was as her mother pushed her gracefully in her turquoise Graco stroller. Following behind the two were big bother and dad I assumed. The perfect little family.
As they all walked by, my heart began to flutter and my eyes became dewy. I begin to think of the future and If I’ll get the chance to become a mother again. My son constantly ask for a bother or sister as if babies are something we can go shopping for at our local neighborhood market. His innocence is one of the things I enjoy most about him though. Let’s break this down a little. I’m in my late twenties with a seven year old, diagno…

Cloudy With A Chance of Broke

This glass of Walmart wine is giving me life right now. Bougie on a budget is my lifestyle. Since all the water shelves are cleared at Walmart, I settled on this sweet little Moscato. Funny how southerners go straight for bread and water when a storm is approaching. When my son and I lived in Colorado and was expected to get snowed in; sadly all I stocked up on were movies and food. It was nice to be snowed in spending time with the most important person in my life for a day or two. Good times. “Three pairs of underwear for myself…three pairs of underwear for Bentley” I mumbled as I folded our undergarments and placed them in our black rolling suitcase. “Mama, the water is too hot” Bentley yells from the shower across the hall. This is only his tenth time interrupting me within the last five minutes. Why do kids wait until you’re doing something important to need you? Like man, could you wait at least 2 minutes while I get my thoughts together and pack our entire life in a suitcase fo…