Weighing My Options

I walk past the mirror and catch a glimpse of myself. Yasssss Queen, God did a number when he made you. I take a minute to admire the sensual outline of my lips, my chiseled cheek bones (I get them from my mom) and my dark slanted eyes. With skin the color of a Hershey’s bar and the light hitting me in all the right directions,I begin to admire how far I’ve come physically and emotionally. The self esteem I have now took years to build and it grows more and more by the day.

Growing up I hated so many of my features. I was darker in complexion than most and got teased so much in school. I stood out like a sore thumb. My unibrow was hideous and I absolutely hated it. I hated it so much I recall shaving them completely off when I was about six or seven. I started developing at an early age so on top of the obvious weight difference between my classmates and I,  my breast were bigger than my teachers! Most girls would be excited about that but I hated the attention it brought along with the horrendous back pain. I was so excited when surgery day arrived my senior year of high school for my reduction and lift.

When I began dating around 16 and experienced that first heartbreak, this added to my already bruised self-esteem. My mother did an amazing job at constantly reminding me of the beauty she saw when she looked at me but I figured it was her duty to say those things because she was my mother.  With one bad situationship after another along with giving birth; I continued to pile on the pounds. I ate my feelings. Food didn’t leave me or lie to me like the other men in my life. My relationship with food was the most loyal relationship I ever had.

It was my sons fifth birthday party that I realized just how much I’d let myself go. Someone took a snapshot of my father and I with me holding the most humongous plate of food.  From the moment I saw that picture I made a promise to put my health first. Believe it or not I found myself going to therapy to dig deeper in the issues that led me to the point of just not caring. From there I began to change my diet and exercise regularly. I felt my self esteem rising as I dealt with the root issues. I wouldn’t say I’m where I want to be but I can truly say I love me and I don’t plan on stopping this journey anytime soon. If I can do it, anyone can.