Woman To Woman

                         My mother is the strongest woman I know. She’s survived a toxic relationship, overcoming single motherhood of two children at the age I am now, losing her mother earlier in life and finding love all over again just to name a few. She’s always been dedicated to her family and provided a home built on love for us all. I sat down with her to gain some insights on just how she did it and what kept her going in her darkest hour. Here’s what she had to say:

What did you imagine your life would be like as a child?

As a child I thought I’d be married to a rich man. I didn’t think I’d have to struggle to raise my girls on my own the way I did but, it didn’t work out that way the first time around. Struggling to find my happiness while keeping you and your sister happy was a challenging priority.

What was your first thought when you found out you were pregnant for the first time?

Whew, I thought my life was coming to an end. I didn’t know what to do. I was still in school, I thought I’d be a drop out…..but I wasn’t. I wanted better. I got my diploma. I promised I’d be the best mother to my children.

 When did you realize you were in a toxic relationship?

About 8 years before I decided to get out of it. That’s a long time to deal with something. I looked in the mirror and realized that that my skin was darker, you could see my cheekbones and ribs and then I realized that I walked with my head held down all the time.  On the inside I felt like I wanted to die. I didn’t know better. I felt trapped. I didn’t have choices. My choices were made for me. I didn’t know I was supposed to make decisions on my own.

How did you feel about having me and brit in a situation where you were unhappy?

I felt bad. I felt as though I was ruining your futures and not setting a good example on how a man should treat a woman by being in my situation.

What gave you the courage to get out?

I looked at you and sister one night when yall came home and saw how unhappy yall were and how yall cried. I didn’t want to live my entire life that way and ruin you and your sister's life. The first time I left I was so afraid. The second time I left those fears disappeared. I was strong minded, determined, tired of being depressed and broke. That was the last straw. I wasn’t going through that anymore.

 Once you left and moved into the city with me and brit, what did that feel like?

I was on the way to success. I was going to get what was mines. I was free. I felt like a bird high in the sky. All my troubles were gone. I didn’t feel trapped anymore. I saw the change in you and your sister. Yall were happier, you got more social, I was able to do more for yall. Yall were doing things that you never thought you’d be able to do like go to the mall, go to the skating rink, and just be kids. Even though he made an attempt to come get us once again, I was able to face him and he saw I was no longer afraid of him. I remember that day he asked me to get in the car and yall begged me not to. I'll never forget that day. I was no longer afraid and ready to move on. 

What was it like financially being on your own with two children?

Oh that was the biggest struggle! I ended up taking on three jobs to take of yall but I never complained. The longest shift I ever work was like 4 days in a row without going home but yall were able to come to me. I didn’t have anyone to depend on to watch yall. Since Britney was older I depended on her to mature faster because I was never home, and she did just that. I expected both of yall to mature faster actually. I never worried about yall because I knew yall would do the right thing.

Did you ever think you’d be in another relationship again?

No!!! I didn’t trust men. I even went out on a few dates and that was a bust. Especially if they didn’t look right. 😊 😊 😊 I was prepared to be a single mother for the rest of my life.  Being single I wouldn’t have to worry about anyone to telling me what to do and when to do it.  Then when I least expected it, I ran into Scott at work. When I first saw him I told a coworker I was going to marry him. Didn’t know if he was married or not but I knew he’d be my next husband. The reason I said that was because he was doing something men don’t do---taking care of his ex mother-in-law.

When you started to date him did you feel it was hard to open up to him?

No, he was very easy to talk to. It was about two weeks after we met that I opened up about what I’d been through in the past. He treated me like a woman was suppose to be treated. He cared about me and he still does. When I saw how he interacted with you and your sister that was it for me. I saw the smile on you and your sisters face and that was confirmation.

 What advice do you have for me in hopes of finding my happily ever after?

My advice for you baby is to get a job at an assistant living home and find you a man like I did hahahaha.  Look for someone that will treat you well. Someone that’ll say honey, put your money back in your purse, I got you. Someone that'll relive the stress from you.  Someone that treats you and Bentley like gold. If you do find the right person, don’t be afraid of him, don't push him away, don't make him pay for others mistakes.