Skip to main content

My Body







I remember being in the fifth grade and being bigger than many of the kids in class.  Ever since I could remember I was always the chubby one. I was always the one who had to sit in the front seat if there were five of us going somewhere like dude wtf. I never felt like I had an unhealthy relationship with food. At times I would over eat when I was bored or stressed but didn't really think much of it. I was doing what everyone did at some point or another right? 

Once I hit puberty things were growing like wild fire and I couldn’t understand why me. I found myself my senior year of high school going under the knife for a breast reduction while everyone else was shopping for cute Sadie Hawkins dresses. I remember feeling happy yet sad it was finally done. I wasn’t in any pain for once in my life after healing and I could finally do normal things again like play tennis. However, I thought to myself, what is it that I have to offer now? I had always felt like my chest were a big part of who I was. For so long I had the mentality of “I like my body but….” Like there was always a “but." I like my body but – my thighs are too fat, my butt isn’t big enough, my hips are narrow, I have a one eyebrow, my knees are turned inward, the list went on and on.

After the birth of my son, things got even more frustrating for me. Stretch marks came out of the wood work, my breast began growing again even after the surgery, I had a c-section scar, my complexion changed, aches and pains popped out of nowhere and there I was trying to love every inch of a body that I hated. I tried dieting here and there, but I could never keep the weight off. I've honestly lost 30 lbs about 5 times in my life. My hormones went ballistic and my stomach was always in pain. After having a scary episode of menstruating and crying for two months I finally said enough is enough and knew I needed to find out what was wrong. That’s when I was diagnosed with PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. After multiple test and ultrasounds, I finally had a diagnosis and I couldn’t have been happier.

It’s been a long time coming with lots of prayer and therapy but, I now appreciate the body I have. I earned these stretch marks, I created and brought a life into this world. I’ve said before that if a man wants me, he better want me and this belly honey lol. Now that I understand my body practically does what it wants, I have to give it more attention in order to feel better. I’m trying to make better decisions about the foods I eat and getting active. Is my body perfect? Hell no. Am I bloated 5 days out of the week? Absolutely but I love all these inches. Self-image is something a lot of moms struggle with but refuse to speak on it. I know I'm not the only one.  Be kind to yourself. You're doing the best you can and your true beauty comes from within. The world would be pretty boring if we all looked the same. Own your beautiful!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why Are You Single?

As I'm sitting at work chatting with coworkers about life, I get asked the dreadful question. Breezy, why are you single? I wish I had some profound text book answer for them or hell, five dollars for every time I was asked by people in general. The answer is simple. I just wont settle! Being a single mother dating in 2018 is as complicated as trying to read Mike Tysons lips with your tv muted. Although I’ve struggled with self-image in the past, I’m in a much better place mentally and physically and know my worth. That alone is a powerful weapon. I often look at my friends and family members and think to myself….am I really the only one who doesn’t have a significant other? When will it be my season?
As quickly as those thoughts creep into my head I try to shake them away with positive affirmations. See, I grew up in the church and understand that there’s power of life and death in the tongue. My prayers for my future husband are very detailed and I know deep down, the man that h…

Party of 2

Wow, she’s absolutely gorgeous. Each strand of her naturally curly hair sits perfectly on her head. Her eyes are as dark as a summer night, and her skin smooth as butter. I can’t help but notice the most beautiful baby girl I’ve ever laid eyes on; as I’m sitting on the sidelines at my sons football practice. This baby girl was a mini queen in every sense of the word. I noticed how well dressed she was as her mother pushed her gracefully in her turquoise Graco stroller. Following behind the two were big bother and dad I assumed. The perfect little family.
As they all walked by, my heart began to flutter and my eyes became dewy. I begin to think of the future and If I’ll get the chance to become a mother again. My son constantly ask for a bother or sister as if babies are something we can go shopping for at our local neighborhood market. His innocence is one of the things I enjoy most about him though. Let’s break this down a little. I’m in my late twenties with a seven year old, diagno…

Tap Into Your Superpower

You know, before starting a new job, meeting someone new, or when you have a big decision to make in general; we often ask people for advice. We ask the questions that deep down we already know the answer to before finally making the decision. Women in general have what I like to call the superpower of intuition.It’s a gift given to us by none other than our creator himself. I’ve always felt like God favored women so much, it was his special gift.            The dictionary defines intuition as the ability to understand something immediately, without the need of conscious reasoning. Many times when you’re faced with situations where you’re not sure where to turn or what to do; the reality is you have all the equipment needed to figure things out, you just have to tap into them. After reflecting on my last post, I decided to tap into my intuition superpower again when it came to a certain someone. I recently met a pretty decent guy. Very intellectual, great career, no children, …