My Body

I remember being in the fifth grade and being bigger than many of the kids in class.  Ever since I could remember I was always the chubby one. I was always the one who had to sit in the front seat if there were five of us going somewhere like dude wtf. I never felt like I had an unhealthy relationship with food. At times I would over eat when I was bored or stressed but didn't really think much of it. I was doing what everyone did at some point or another right? 

Once I hit puberty things were growing like wild fire and I couldn’t understand why me. I found myself my senior year of high school going under the knife for a breast reduction while everyone else was shopping for cute Sadie Hawkins dresses. I remember feeling happy yet sad it was finally done. I wasn’t in any pain for once in my life after healing and I could finally do normal things again like play tennis. However, I thought to myself, what is it that I have to offer now? I had always felt like my chest were a big part of who I was. For so long I had the mentality of “I like my body but….” Like there was always a “but." I like my body but – my thighs are too fat, my butt isn’t big enough, my hips are narrow, I have a one eyebrow, my knees are turned inward, the list went on and on.

After the birth of my son, things got even more frustrating for me. Stretch marks came out of the wood work, my breast began growing again even after the surgery, I had a c-section scar, my complexion changed, aches and pains popped out of nowhere and there I was trying to love every inch of a body that I hated. I tried dieting here and there, but I could never keep the weight off. I've honestly lost 30 lbs about 5 times in my life. My hormones went ballistic and my stomach was always in pain. After having a scary episode of menstruating and crying for two months I finally said enough is enough and knew I needed to find out what was wrong. That’s when I was diagnosed with PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. After multiple test and ultrasounds, I finally had a diagnosis and I couldn’t have been happier.

It’s been a long time coming with lots of prayer and therapy but, I now appreciate the body I have. I earned these stretch marks, I created and brought a life into this world. I’ve said before that if a man wants me, he better want me and this belly honey lol. Now that I understand my body practically does what it wants, I have to give it more attention in order to feel better. I’m trying to make better decisions about the foods I eat and getting active. Is my body perfect? Hell no. Am I bloated 5 days out of the week? Absolutely but I love all these inches. Self-image is something a lot of moms struggle with but refuse to speak on it. I know I'm not the only one.  Be kind to yourself. You're doing the best you can and your true beauty comes from within. The world would be pretty boring if we all looked the same. Own your beautiful!