Skip to main content

My Body

I remember being in the fifth grade and being bigger than many of the kids in class.  Ever since I could remember I was always the chubby one. I was always the one who had to sit in the front seat if there were five of us going somewhere like dude wtf. I never felt like I had an unhealthy relationship with food. At times I would over eat when I was bored or stressed but didn't really think much of it. I was doing what everyone did at some point or another right? 

Once I hit puberty things were growing like wild fire and I couldn’t understand why me. I found myself my senior year of high school going under the knife for a breast reduction while everyone else was shopping for cute Sadie Hawkins dresses. I remember feeling happy yet sad it was finally done. I wasn’t in any pain for once in my life after healing and I could finally do normal things again like play tennis. However, I thought to myself, what is it that I have to offer now? I had always felt like my chest were a big part of who I was. For so long I had the mentality of “I like my body but….” Like there was always a “but." I like my body but – my thighs are too fat, my butt isn’t big enough, my hips are narrow, I have a one eyebrow, my knees are turned inward, the list went on and on.

After the birth of my son, things got even more frustrating for me. Stretch marks came out of the wood work, my breast began growing again even after the surgery, I had a c-section scar, my complexion changed, aches and pains popped out of nowhere and there I was trying to love every inch of a body that I hated. I tried dieting here and there, but I could never keep the weight off. I've honestly lost 30 lbs about 5 times in my life. My hormones went ballistic and my stomach was always in pain. After having a scary episode of menstruating and crying for two months I finally said enough is enough and knew I needed to find out what was wrong. That’s when I was diagnosed with PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. After multiple test and ultrasounds, I finally had a diagnosis and I couldn’t have been happier.

It’s been a long time coming with lots of prayer and therapy but, I now appreciate the body I have. I earned these stretch marks, I created and brought a life into this world. I’ve said before that if a man wants me, he better want me and this belly honey lol. Now that I understand my body practically does what it wants, I have to give it more attention in order to feel better. I’m trying to make better decisions about the foods I eat and getting active. Is my body perfect? Hell no. Am I bloated 5 days out of the week? Absolutely but I love all these inches. Self-image is something a lot of moms struggle with but refuse to speak on it. I know I'm not the only one.  Be kind to yourself. You're doing the best you can and your true beauty comes from within. The world would be pretty boring if we all looked the same. Own your beautiful!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why Are You Single?

As I'm sitting at work chatting with coworkers about life, I get asked the dreadful question. Breezy, why are you single? I wish I had some profound text book answer for them or hell, five dollars for every time I was asked by people in general. The answer is simple. I just wont settle! Being a single mother dating in 2018 is as complicated as trying to read Mike Tysons lips with your tv muted.   Although I’ve struggled with self-image in the past, I’m in a much better place mentally and physically and know my worth. That alone is a powerful weapon. I often look at my friends and family members and think to myself….am I really the only one who doesn’t have a significant other? When will it be my season? As quickly as those thoughts creep into my head I try to shake them away with positive affirmations. See, I grew up in the church and understand that there’s power of life and death in the tongue. My prayers for my future husband are very detailed and I know deep down, the ma
Where has the time gone? I can't believe it's been three years since I launched Breezy Monreaux dot com. This blog means the world to me. I always feel safe and have a sense of calm when I'm here, almost like AA for writers. This is my sacred place. For three years I've had a judgment-free zone full of support and inspiration from others.  I began blogging at a very dark time in my life. My days were long and I found myself in an emotional rut while simultaneously battling anxiety and depression. I'd like to believe that today, I'm in a much better place with room for growth. Last night, I found myself skipping through blog entries I've written in the last three years. As I  revisited entry after entry, I became filled with an immense amount of emotion. My eyes began to water and my physical being began to shake. Tears of joy, sadness, and hope all wrapped up into one.  Tears of joy for all that I've accomplished mentally and physically. Tears of sadness

Cloudy With A Chance of Broke

This glass of Walmart wine is giving me life right now. Bougie on a budget is my lifestyle. Since all the water shelves are cleared at Walmart, I settled on this sweet little Moscato. Funny how southerners go straight for bread and water when a storm is approaching. When my son and I lived in Colorado and was expected to get snowed in; sadly all I stocked up on were movies and food. It was nice to be snowed in spending time with the most important person in my life for a day or two. Good times. “Three pairs of underwear for myself…three pairs of underwear for Bentley” I mumbled as I folded our undergarments and placed them in our black rolling suitcase. “Mama, the water is too hot” Bentley yells from the shower across the hall. This is only his tenth time interrupting me within the last five minutes. Why do kids wait until you’re doing something important to need you? Like man, could you wait at least 2 minutes while I get my thoughts together and pack our entire life in a suitcase f