Skip to main content

Decoding His Profile


I have to say, I’ve had my fair share of online dating. Honestly, it never ends up being anything serious. It’s all very systematic when I think about it. A date here or there, some good morning text, and then it goes silent or I cut them off because they’re crazy or I catch them in a lie. Like it never fails. It’s always the same ol’ cycle. I don’t club, I work and I’m a mother so dating apps give me the feeling of going out to meet new people without actually having to do it right away. It’s all very similar to biting into a juicy peach in the middle of Walmart’s produce section to see if it’s any good before you actually buy it.  The thought behind online dating it is all great. The people behind it is all wrong. I’ve met some interesting people in my online search and learned to decode profiles. Take a look:
Height: Ladies this is not a trick question, but you’d think it was because the majority of men lie in this section. If his profile says he’s 5’11 he’s more than likely around 5’6. Since I stand at 5’3 on a good day with shoes on, everyone is always taller than me so no biggie.

Profession: Entrepreneur: You have to pay close attention to this one. I’m all for a man with a business mindset but if he has gold teeth there is no way in hell he’s an entrepreneur boo! This can also translate to “I don’t have a job.” Call me bougie if you want but I can’t potentially date a man who’s jobless. If you’re not stable, you should be looking for work instead of a woman.  BEWARE OF THE “CHEFS” AS WELL.  Charleston has a lot of nice restaurants but Outback isn’t considered one of them.

Kids: Prefer not to say: Honey Bee run!!!! He has multiples!!! Some women may not have a problem with dating a man with multiple children. I on the other hand like to keep the number between 0-1. I’m unsure If I want more children in the future but, I at least want everyone to be able to fit in my Chevy. In most cases this in general could cause a lot of drama in a potential relationship as well with multiple children and multiple baby mothers.


Pictures:  I pay very close attention to detail. When I flip through pictures I focus on the background! If there are two toothbrushes sitting off in the distance on the counter, then honey he’s not single. He’s “we’re having a tough time” single.
If there’s a baby car seat in the background of that selfie he took in the car, then this means he has an infant-toddler and he’s probably not done dealing with his ex.

If all of his pictures were taken by someone else, then he’s not single AND he has a roommate. On the flip side to that how many men you know ask their male roommate to take pictures of them every time they get dressed up????? NONE! His roommate’s name is Courtney and he files one of her kids on his taxes every year. They also share a bed!

I even look to see if they live in an apartment, trailer, or house! (I’m crazy yall)

Let’s not mention the fake pictures!


About Me: This is where things can go very south for a man if he’s passed all the previous bullet points with flying colors. If he says things like

·         I have three kids that I don’t see but pay for (I actually saw this!)

·         Just tryna have fun

·         I like chillin, and making money

These type of men take life to casually and will end up being a causality. Get off his page as soon as possible.

Take these things into consideration the next time you’re browsing honey bees!!!!

What have you encountered in your search?



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why Are You Single?

As I'm sitting at work chatting with coworkers about life, I get asked the dreadful question. Breezy, why are you single? I wish I had some profound text book answer for them or hell, five dollars for every time I was asked by people in general. The answer is simple. I just wont settle! Being a single mother dating in 2018 is as complicated as trying to read Mike Tysons lips with your tv muted. Although I’ve struggled with self-image in the past, I’m in a much better place mentally and physically and know my worth. That alone is a powerful weapon. I often look at my friends and family members and think to myself….am I really the only one who doesn’t have a significant other? When will it be my season?
As quickly as those thoughts creep into my head I try to shake them away with positive affirmations. See, I grew up in the church and understand that there’s power of life and death in the tongue. My prayers for my future husband are very detailed and I know deep down, the man that h…
4 comments
Read more

Cloudy With A Chance of Broke

This glass of Walmart wine is giving me life right now. Bougie on a budget is my lifestyle. Since all the water shelves are cleared at Walmart, I settled on this sweet little Moscato. Funny how southerners go straight for bread and water when a storm is approaching. When my son and I lived in Colorado and was expected to get snowed in; sadly all I stocked up on were movies and food. It was nice to be snowed in spending time with the most important person in my life for a day or two. Good times. “Three pairs of underwear for myself…three pairs of underwear for Bentley” I mumbled as I folded our undergarments and placed them in our black rolling suitcase. “Mama, the water is too hot” Bentley yells from the shower across the hall. This is only his tenth time interrupting me within the last five minutes. Why do kids wait until you’re doing something important to need you? Like man, could you wait at least 2 minutes while I get my thoughts together and pack our entire life in a suitcase fo…
3 comments
Read more

If This Is It...

As I begin to think about the future, there’s so much uncertainty. Of course I have tons of dreams and goals and through blood, sweat and tears I’ll do my very best to accomplish them. I was taught that exercising faith is a must in life. I’ve always had a problem living in the moment so I’d like to take a second and do just that.
Like the gospel song says “Lord if I ten thousand tongues, I could not praise you for what you’ve done.” Even though some days are a struggle and I have no clue how I’ll make it to the next, I’m grateful for the things I have. My son’s in good health and I’ve made a home for him that’s filled with love. All of his jeans are a husky size so that reminds me that I’m able to provide him with meals daily. He’s the only child so he gets what he wants for the most part. I’m grateful I’m able to not only give him the things he needs but the things he wants as well. When I come home and flip the light switch; my little townhome lights up and I’m grateful for the job…
2 comments
Read more