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Suit Up

April 18th where are you? This queen was born April 10th and for the first time ever I told my girlfriends I wanted to take a trip to Vegas to celebrate. They love me a ton so they all agreed. I think my body is sensing it’s almost vacation time because lately I’ve found myself more irritable that ever.  I feel horrible for saying this but even my precious son is aggravating the crap out of me! He calls my name to tell me he’s thirsty when he knows where the kitchen is. I believe he just says mama for the hell of it.

It all started last week when I rushed home to get my new bathing suit from the mail. It took forever but whatever I was super excited to try it on. I think I was more anxious to see if it actually fit more than anything. My weight has been all over the place lately and my waistline has definitely grown the last few months. Ugh…I can never maintain my weight which is so frustrating. Like who the hell can lose thirty pounds in two weeks before vacation? Oh well. It is what it is.

The bathing suit I picked was “family day at the pool” attire. Even though it’s a two piece, my cheeks aren’t hanging from here to Mexico. The good new was that it fit. Yes! The bad news was I automatically became self-conscious about my mid-section as soon as I tried it on. There I was in the mirror shifting my weight from one foot to the other admiring what I didn’t like about the suit and BOOM! In comes Bentley.

Bentley: Mama is that your new bathing suit for Vegas?

Me: Yes son, do you like it?

Bentley: umm well yea…but…you look kinda fat in it!

Yall, I wanted to hide in my closet and never come out. I’m a firm believer that kids and drunks speak the truth. Once he caught the expression on my face, he quickly tried to catch the rebound by giving me a compliment about my hair. By this time though he could tell he hurt my feelings. Fighting back the tears I told him it was time for bed (it really was) and I needed to tuck him in for the night. All of a sudden, he began to cry. His reasoning was because he knew he hurt my feelings and he wish he could take it back because he wouldn’t want anyone else to say that about me.

In that moment, even though I was a 27-year-old mother with a home, bills, and raising a child on my own - my mind went back to that overweight little girl that got teased on the playground for being bigger than everyone else. I felt the same way I did when my peers reminded me how different I was from everyone else. Before I knew it, we were both crying like crazy people.

I’ve lost thirty pounds like ten times in my life. My weight fluctuates and with PCOS I have to work harder than most people to even maintain…Thank God for cover ups.


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